I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
