Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Welp...herpes.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What a dumb baby whore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
