Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
