I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
