I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you told grandpa to call you daddy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think I sprained my soul last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
