I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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