Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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