Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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