Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
