Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
