remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
