I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
