My room smells like vodka and shame
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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