On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
