Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
