i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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