I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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