I got chris browned last night
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
