Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
