The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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