She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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