just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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