hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
