I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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