i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
