god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
