vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
