9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
