mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
