Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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