Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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