My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
