Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
