I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
