Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
