Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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