I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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