i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Im part way to drunk.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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