My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
