The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
