5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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