there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
