Tell her she can't have a vagina
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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