some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
