If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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