Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
