Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
