I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
