he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
