u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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