wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.