If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.