New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
