Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
