Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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