Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
