I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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