Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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