My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
