i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
