youre lurking in front of me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
