New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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