your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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