covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
