also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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