his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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