The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
