Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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