A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
