mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
